How To Fart And Not Get Caught - III

You docked inside safe?

Good! Now as calmly and deftly as you can, put both palms on your cheeks, fingers slightly spread.

No. No. The other cheeks. You are not being taught to burp…

With the lesson so far? Excellent!

You are now in the launch mode.

Shhh! No sobbing in there. And shhh… No guttural intonations either. And… what?

Ok. Ok. We’ll cut the crap. Now spread your cheeks as wide as you can to allow free passage for the fiend.

Wait! Did you check for inflammable material on your person or immediate surroundings? Do… waaa… What did you just fling into outer orbit! Your lighter? Ok!

And wait! Do you have an exhaust fan running on kingdom-come-or-bust mode, well above your head? You do! And your palms are firmly on cheeks? Yes? Hallelujah…

All systems are go dude!

Popular posts from this blog

Sam Bourne: And My Righteous Indignation

Image
Now, I do admit that it's mighty easy to smear the work of others. But I'm doing it now. Without further preamble, let me tell you that I found this book The Righteous Men by Sam Bourne a huge let down. There isn't a story in there. But guess why I picked it up? Because the tag read - The end of the world is coming. One body at a time. Boy! That’s dramatic by any standards and then the first page was pretty taught too. And I was suckered. I must admit, that I read this book through, trying to figure out what I'd missed as I turned the pages. It turned out that I didn't miss much. There’s even a review by Mirror right on the cover that reads: the biggest challenger to Dan Brown's crown. Pha! Nothing could be further from the truth. I enjoyed Dan Brown's da Vinci Code immensely. The logic there was woven in well, plotted studiously and the pace never slackened even when the story swung into historic detailing. But that's not the case here. It’s plain bo
Read more

Samiyo’s Revenge

Samiyo stood up tottering and burped loudly. He was rather content with the way the day had ended. After all he’d spent a good part of it making porottas at the wayside restaurant where he was the undisputed Porotta Master. He’d just downed his usual measure of ‘fieriness’ to wipe away his weariness, before heading home to his dear wife, when he heard the familiar whirr. Did he perhaps dispatch a wee bit more than usual? He wasn’t certain. But he was sure that the blurry thingy that whizzed past him was his last bus home. He grabbed his paper bag of porottas and beef and weaved his way to the bus bay, debating if he should empty his bladders in the mean time. No! He’d rather be smart and grab a seat for himself on the bus first. Then perhaps he could go for the piss, leaving the paper bag on his seat, proclaiming his imminent return. Brilliant! Samiyo beamed. It was such brilliance that had helped him fortify his position as Porotta Master. Still beaming, he hurriedly boarded the bus,
Read more

Pirate Jack Sparrow! Will You Be Back?

Image
Ugh! That was absolutely insolent of me. Captain. CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow it is. And I'll never get that wrong again. I'm this late bloomer, if that's the word. I get everything backwards. I miss out on a lot of things and then before regret buries me alive, I indulge to save my soul. What was that saying again... better late than never. Touché! I love Captain Jack Sparrow. Don't you too? That was a legend waiting to happen. Pirates have always amused me. But the spectacle on celluloid was something beyond my wildest dreams. I'd like to kill myself for not having watched the Captain on the big screen. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl is a masterpiece. I haven't enjoyed a movie so much in a long time. ( Excuse me while I flagellate myself for not seeing it on the big screen ). I didn't like Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest as much though. But it's fascinating never the less. The characters are so real. And the Captain... o
Read more