Best of Rajesh Rajoo

“Cae-rett, koli-phlaver, inji, takkalli, penis!” went the hawker. Carrots, cauliflower, ginger, tomatoes and… penis! Housewives leaned out their windows enquiringly… while I craned my neck to spot the hawker in the milling crowd. There was only his voice, ringing loud and hearty. Penis? He hawks penis? I was stumped for a moment. And then he came into view, his pushcart, piled high with “Cae-rett, koli-phlaver, inji, takkalli, penis!” There on a corner of his cart was a neat little mound of beans!

Again, with Pen poised over paper, He sits to deliver Verse. Like a pregnant woman, Now in pain, Now stifling a Curse. Words fall about him Haphazard and Terse. Now he perms, Now he slashes, then, Confines them to the Hearse. For it just isn’t so He can’t get a go, Hanging there high-strung, He’s left for the Worse. His child cries for Her mother, Who’s left him for another. He knows not how he’ll Feed her, He knows not how he’ll Nurse. His landlord stands Taller, His debts aren’t getting Any smaller. Yet, he waits In vain, over paper, To catch the eluding Verse. He waits Like a man in haste Now expectant, Now mouthing a Curse. (Sigh!) Poetry my man, springs From honest thought, Spontaneously begot. It cannot be Curried together, You see, just To feed a lazy Purse.

You docked inside safe? Good! Now as calmly and deftly as you can, put both palms on your cheeks, fingers slightly spread. No. No. The other cheeks. You are not being taught to burp… With the lesson so far? Excellent! You are now in the launch mode. Shhh! No sobbing in there. And shhh… No guttural intonations either. And… what? Ok. Ok. We’ll cut the crap. Now spread your cheeks as wide as you can to allow free passage for the fiend. Wait! Did you check for inflammable material on your person or immediate surroundings? Do… waaa … What did you just fling into outer orbit! Your lighter? Ok! And wait! Do you have an exhaust fan running on kingdom-come-or-bust mode, well above your head? You do! And your palms are firmly on cheeks? Yes? Hallelujah… All systems are go dude!